What to share today? Someone once asked me what was it like living on a day-to-day basis with bipolar disorder? The first thing that came to my mind was ‘side effects’. I am specifically referring to the side effects of my medication. I have been struggling so hard lately with my diagnosis and the prescribed medication regime. I am so sick of acne, weight gain, feelings of paranoia, visual disturbances, depth perception issues, and the loathing every day when I swallow those pills knowing it is probably going to destroy my thyroid or kidneys some day. Sounds pretty grim doesn’t it? I envy people that have a mental illness and go along their way for years untouched without symptoms, but quite often those symptoms will usually reappear at some point. I was in such a deep psychosis that it was only a regime of intense meds that brought me out of it, that I know to be true. As I was in the hospital, I believed that airplanes were going to crash and burn on Parliament Hill and I was assured that earthquakes were going to overturn Vancouver Island. I was in this state for over a month and I wonder how much longer it would have lasted had I not been medicated. Some call it a spiritual experience but for me the majority of the experience was terrifying! I plan to discuss my curiosity with my doctor and plan to inquire about other methods/meds as my thyroid is already swollen and I fear it losing function. At least my GP has ordered a MRI to see if there is anything underlying. I feel like I have been living in fear for the last while. Fear of the side-effects. Knowing that I probably need medication but not truly being at peace with it. It makes my stomach churn and I can’t help but wonder what path I need to take. Which one poses more risk. I just know that the way that I am living my life with these side-effects is not how I want to be, but could it be worse on the other side?
Thank you to our generous supporters
The Student Mental Health ToolkitVisit Site Now!
The Rural Mental Wellness ToolkitVisit Site Now!
Registered Name: Stigma-Free Society
Registered Charity No: 827676867RR0001
Mailing Address: 185-911 Yates St. Victoria, BC V8V 4Y9