I can’t believe what I just did! I was sitting on the couch balancing my strawberry and banana smoothie on my belly as I chatted to my sister via phone and WHAM! …all to the side of me and down the inside of my leather couch!! OMG!!! Don’t worry I survived it! lol Well today I operated on 4 hours sleep, finally slumbered at 6:30AM, it was definitely the bipolar. I have been worrying about my ma again, she is in ‘lock up’ in the psych ward in Kamloops. The lock up is the area where you have locks on your doors to keep you safe at night and you are not allowed to leave the hospital. It is not as scary as it sounds. My step-father called me last night and he was super depressed and bummed out. I have never heard him sound so …depressed. I went to bed around 12AM with thoughts racing through my mind and I concluded that getting my car this August is not as important as seeing mom this weekend. I know $ will always come around to me somehow and frankly family is extremely important to me. Westjet ain’t cheap, but heck it will be awesome to see mom’s face when I show up to bring her a smile. I told daddio I would be there this Friday and I will come home Tuesday. Things are a little rough in other parts of my life with love etc. but it is all a learning experience. I would much rather feel anything than nothing at all! I remember there were times when I could barely taste my food and getting out of the shower was a significant task accomplished for the day. 😛 It ain’t so bad, I trust in my higher power and really believe that all things have a way of harmoniously intertwining to weave into something great. There are sometimes hurdles along the way, this is definitely one of them. HUGS TO YOU ALL!!!
There have been many times in my life where I thought people were my ‘real’ friends. I met with an old friend of mine from way back in the day tonight and it had been a long time since we hung out. It was so refreshing as we were able to truly just be ourselves, like no time had past. He told me that when he made some bad choices that in the end a lot of his friends seem to have abandoned him. I knew exactly what he was feeling. When I was in the hospital barely anyone came to visit me, and my friends no longer wanted to live with me. Having a mental illness can be a scary thing when you fear you may lose your friends. I learned a lot through my own experiences with diagnosis and seeking help. There were a few people that stuck around, and others who would come to the psych ward and play pong, or even a friend who would make me CDs to pass the time; it drove me nuts, my mother called me from Kamloops every day-yes every single day. Although painful, I realize there was a gift in the illness, which is finding out who really loved me. It was not those kids down at the club, and certainly not everyone I called a friend. A friend is someone you can be fully self expressed with and they are there for you no matter what. Through the highs and the lows and pushing those breakdowns into breakthroughs. Thanks Jordan for being my friend. I love you! xo
In times of doubt and times of pain, When it feels the sky is pouring rain. Remember there is a lining beyond the sky, Even when we are forced to say goodbye. In the end, I truly think we just fall asleep. No more reasons for us to ache and weep. It pains our friends when we say goodbye, But eventually we ease and no longer cry. No matter what our views, we all do know, To the winds of the sky we naturally go. To live a good life, blessed if it is long, Cherishing our time, while we belong. My dear friend, how I do empathize so, For events of the future we just don't know. Remind yourself to smile and know I am here, For a shoulder, a hug, when you shed a tear. XO Andrea
Now this is a fierce and impressive lil super hero! I somehow started calling her ‘Depressed Diva’ as Bipolar Babe needs companions in her fight against stigma. Diva never even knew me and upon hearing about my project, she instantly jumped on board without any questions, concerns or hesitation and she has created our wonderful babe website! She spoke of flash, HTML ,and photo editing among numerous other things that make lil sense to me and this girl has really revealed her talent and flair. Can you believe she never took one training class and simply learned by trial and error at home!!! She is moving on to an amazing place in her life and she has started her own internet company named ‘Polarity Website Design and Solutions’. The amount of work this girl put into our ‘baby’ is amazing and she did so to carry the cause forward-to create a world of acceptance and understanding. I guess after speaking with Diva for over 2 hours tonight, I feel inspired and grateful for having created Bipolar Babe as it was the catalyst for our friendship. Diva is one of many awesome team members and we are recruiting more! Bipolar Babe does not designate a role for you but I encourages you to use your skills and abilities and bring your ideas to the project! Speaking of ideas, next BLOG I will tell you how ‘Bipolar Babe’ got her name! Hope to hear from you! xo
Last night I was told that my mother had been admitted to the psychiatric ward. My initial feeling was worry and concern, but promptly I was reassured by my step-father’s presence that she is in good hands. A few hours had past and I started to feel very intense emotions such as fear, hurt, isolation and confusion. I attempted to sleep but I was experiencing intense anxiety. I was tossing and turning, and eventually crying until through the very late hours of the night. I rose the next morning with very little sleep feeling haggard and weak. I stayed home from work today and my Manager suggested calling my psychiatric nurse for support. Daphne was definitely the right person to call. As I sobbed and expressed my concern for my mother she offered some very helpful advice that I wanted to share with you. I realized that my feelings of fear and despair were ignited by my own experience about my former hospitalization. I feared hopelessness and despair were washing over my mother as they did me and having her hospitalized brought me back to a painful place in my past.
The way we remember our lives is like a ‘movie’ playing frame by frame in our head, moment by moment, and it seems my movie got stuck on one frame which was the part about being in a psych ward. Daphne advised me to ‘PLAY’ the movie forward in my mind as being focused on one frame caused me great distress and despair. Thank you Daphne for this little tidbit of advice that has eased my anxiety and from speaking with my mother, who is sounds like herself again, is taking the experience in stride. I actually know it is very different than my own. Most importantly, I have pressed play on the DVD player and have watched the rest of the movie on what happened after the hospitalization up until this very moment. In doing this, I realize how far I have come and how good it feels to know it was only a frame in my movie that I was temporarily stuck on. I have ‘played’ it forward and I have Daphne to thank for this, so thanks so much! I love you mom and stay strong!
This is Andrea, AKA Bipolar Babe, and I want to thank you for taking the time to check out the new site! I believe some people might be shy at first, but once we get this conversation rolling we are gonna kick some serious stigma butt! Please have a look around the site and come back to the blog and let me know what you think, and feel free to post items related to mental illness. Comments, questions, observations, criticisms, etc. We plan to have a chat forum coming soon to further encourage a stigma free conversation about mental illnesses! We just launched so we will be tweaking the site as our wonderful site 'Diva Danielle' continues to do her flash magic. If you have suggestions please e-mail: [email protected] This site will be monitored and updated on an ongoing basis, so please visit often. Thank you *sniff* to all of those that made this dream possible…you know who you are. Most of all thank YOU to all the young people for sharing and listening. So come on! Let's get blogging! Much Hugs! 🙂