All too often we hear about people having intense spiritual experiences during a mental health episode, and they are known to have changed people forever. I have had similar experiences during a torrid psychosis and an intense manic episode that lasted over a month. I have never felt such an impacting spiritual connection with God than I did during these times.
My experiences felt they were not of this world. I once stood in front of the mirror and saw who I was for the first time. I was Eve from the Garden of Eden and nobody could convince be otherwise. I was so sure of this new reality that I strolled over to the neighbor’s doorstep at 6:00AM and knocked on the door. A young man answered and may I ask you friends, does Eve wear any clothes? Yes, this happened to me. Luckily, he was a gentleman but in pure shock, and later this man was integral in getting me to the psych emergency so I could get the help that I needed.
I also saw things that were not of this world and will never forget the globe that sat in my gaze and it crumbled in front of me from the devastation and damage of this world. It was as real as you are reading this blog today and my memories instill the image of the stars beneath my feet as I was whisked away in a tin rocket ship to the moon. The site of the earth was fascinating, beautiful and something that is etched in my mind for life.
I have friends that remain Christian and swear of the presence of God in their life until this very day and some have dedicated their activities and entire being to this purpose. Do I still have a strong connection with God? To be honest, I really do. In a world where spirituality and often Christianity are frowned upon, it takes a lot of bravery for people to admit they feel this strong connection, but my belief in God is truly what has remained with me throughout every struggle. There were times so dark that nobody could reach me except prayer and hope that I would be healed from my suicide attempt and depression. If I did not have God, I would have lost all hope years ago. Although my relationship with my higher power has gone silent at times, but grown at others, there remains a constant belief that I am truly blessed.