What to share today? Someone once asked me what was it like living on a day-to-day basis with bipolar disorder? The first thing that came to my mind was ‘side effects’. I am specifically referring to the side effects of my medication. I have been struggling so hard lately with my diagnosis and the prescribed medication regime. I am so sick of acne, weight gain, feelings of paranoia, visual disturbances, depth perception issues, and the loathing every day when I swallow those pills knowing it is probably going to destroy my thyroid or kidneys some day. Sounds pretty grim doesn’t it? I envy people that have a mental illness and go along their way for years untouched without symptoms, but quite often those symptoms will usually reappear at some point. I was in such a deep psychosis that it was only a regime of intense meds that brought me out of it, that I know to be true. As I was in the hospital, I believed that airplanes were going to crash and burn on Parliament Hill and I was assured that earthquakes were going to overturn Vancouver Island. I was in this state for over a month and I wonder how much longer it would have lasted had I not been medicated. Some call it a spiritual experience but for me the majority of the experience was terrifying! I plan to discuss my curiosity with my doctor and plan to inquire about other methods/meds as my thyroid is already swollen and I fear it losing function. At least my GP has ordered a MRI to see if there is anything underlying. I feel like I have been living in fear for the last while. Fear of the side-effects. Knowing that I probably need medication but not truly being at peace with it. It makes my stomach churn and I can’t help but wonder what path I need to take. Which one poses more risk. I just know that the way that I am living my life with these side-effects is not how I want to be, but could it be worse on the other side?
In our fast-paced, technology-driven world, finding peace and calm sometimes feels like a distant goal. The demands of everyday life, from work to personal responsibilities,