You know there are moments when you have just met a complete super star! I have been bed ridden for days and have recently felt like I have come back to life and watching Kevin Breel on Ted X again today felt brand new. I had the pleasure of meeting Kevin last week as he was highly regarded by two good friends of mine and I am glad for their encouragement.
I haven't felt like writing at all for the past week but I suddenly feel a spark inside of me. I had been feeling guilty for being sick as I am rarely affected by depression, but after watching Kevin's video again I realize that I am not weak and I am just experiencing the sickness. It is not wrong and it is ok. If I feel lifeless, pained and tortured…it is ok. I couldn't even make it to work for 2.5 days and I felt guilty for being so tired. I slept and slept and finally found a piece of hope that told me 'I WILL BE OK'. I just had to work those 4 hours and make a deadline and I forced myself back onto a healthy sleeping schedule. With the love, concern and support of my boyfriend, family and friends I found myself up and able again, but it was gloomy being down for those 3 days. It felt like years and I became confined to my bedroom the entire time. I crawled out of it with a new perspective, which surprised me because I have been living with bipolar disorder for 10 years.
I often forget that I have bipolar disorder, the ugliness is often shaded by the constant celebration of bipolar babe and the amazingness that comes with that title. Having received the National Council and CFAX awards and all the successes of the Bipolar Disorder Society's programs seem to have erased a lot of the pain that I had experienced in the past. Then the creeping psychosis seeps in and reminds me that I still am sick, BUT it is ok.
Like Kevin, I never want to entirely forget my pain for in my poem 'Valleys' I emphasize that …sometimes the darkness is just what we need…to be reminded of the light! Thanks Kevin! 😉